Why We Shout When In Anger
Spiritual Story by Unknown
A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.
‘Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?’
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’
‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.
What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’
The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
He looked at his disciples and said.
‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Why I Want a Wife
By Judy Syfers (1971)
(Note: This classic piece of feminist humor appeared in the premier issue of Ms. Magazine and was widely circulated in the women’s movement.)
I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife.
And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother. Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturing attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.
I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals,serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue care for me and my when I need a rest and change of scene. I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for me when I have written them.
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who take care of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my quests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d’oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.
I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.
My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?
Oxytocin keeps attached men away from hot women
By MyHealthNewsDaily Staff
The “love hormone” oxytocin may help maintain romantic relationships by prompting men to keep their distance from attractive women, a new study from Germany suggests.
In the study, men in monogamous relationships who were given an oxytocin nasal spray stayed about four to six inches farther away from an attractive, woman they didn’t know, compared with men in monogamous relationships who received a placebo.
The oxytocin spray had no effect on the distance that single men chose to keep between themselves and the attractive woman.
The results suggest the hormone promotes fidelity in humans, said study researcher Dr. René Hurlemann, of the University of Bonn. The findings agree with previous research conducted on prairie voles, which suggested the hormone plays a role in pair-bonding.
In humans, oxytocin has been found to promote bonding between parents and children, increase trust, and reduce conflict between couples. And earlier this year, a study found that couples with high levels of oxytocin in the early stages of a relationship were more likely to be together six months later than couples with lower levels of the hormone.
But until now, there has been no evidence that a dose of oxytocin given after a couple gets together contributes to the maintenance of the relationship, the researchers said.
The study involved 57 heterosexual males, about half of whom were in monogamous relationships. After receiving either a dose of oxytocin or placebo, participants were introduced to a female experimenter who they later described as “attractive.”
During the encounter, the experimenter moved towards or away from the men, and they were asked to indicate when she was at an “ideal distance” away, as well as when she moved to a distance that felt “slightly uncomfortable.”
The effect of oxytocin on the attached men was the same regardless of whether the female experimenter maintained eye contact, or averted her gaze. Oxytocin also had no effect on the men’s attitude toward the female experimenter — whether men received the oxytocin or the placebo, they rated her as being equally attractive.
In a separate experiment, the researchers found oxytocin had no effect on the distance men kept between themselves and a male experimenter.
Future studies are needed to determine exactly how oxytocin might act on the brain to affect behavior, the researchers said.
The study will be published tomorrow (Nov. 14) in The Journal of Neuroscience.
Healthy Relationship Tips
Here are a few healthy relationship tips that I learned through my own experiences. They work well for me, hopefully they will work well for you. This is a fun and useful topic, if you have any ideas of your own please do submit them through the contact page and I will add the best ones to this page or possibly start another page dedicated to tips and tricks. So here we go!
Have enough self respect to never be used, abused or mistreated. Leave any relationship immediately and never look back if this is happening.
Start everyday fresh. If at all possible deal with problems in the day in which they occur, once dealt with, let it go. Keeping score is bad news. Try not to let the sun set on your anger or issues.
Space. Everybody needs their space, have interests outside of each other. Firstly this gives you space, secondly it give you fresh material to talk about. If you are together all the time, pretty soon you are going to run out of new conversation.
Maintain old activities. Keep doing what made you fall in love. Avoid complacency. If you liked going out, don’t stop when you get comfortable with somebody.
Lighten up. Don’t be to serious about everything, have some fun, enjoy life, people will enjoy your company more.
Communicate. Most important, learn to speak your mind, but do learn to do it in a considerate, empathetic way. Don’t bottle things up, this is a recipe for disaster.
Be Kind. Pretty basic.
Say you are sorry. It’s amazing the power an authentic apology carries. It’s not that hard once you get use to it!
Turn the TV off. Best thing on the TV is the off button.
Get away together as often as possible. Getting away from routine daily life can be great for a relationship.
Take trips away individually. Give the other person the gift of missing you, it’s a fantastic gift. It’s good to miss each other from time to time, brings back a sense of appreciation.
No jealousy, ever. Jealousy is completely toxic to a relationship. If you can’t trust, your with the wrong person or just not ready for a relationship. Jealousy is bad, bad, bad.
Compliments. Everyone one loves a compliment, be generous with them so long as you are sincere.
Surprise. Throw a surprise into the equation from time to time. It keeps it lively and interesting.
Lastly, maintain your individuality. Try to avoid losing your own identity. Too often in a relationship we forget ourselves and start to take on the identity of the other person, this is a mistake really.
So there you go, some of my top healthy relationship tips. Good luck and I hope they are helpful.