Tag Archives: Sex

Oh, So You Really Think The Female Body Works Like That?


Oh, So You Really Think The Female Body Works Like That?

The Hawkeye Initiative takes one basic premise, that you can fix every “Strong Female Character” pose in comics by replacing that character with Hawkeye doing the same pose, and applies it to actual comic book panels and covers. If you don’t read comics, you might better remember Hawkeye as the archer from a little-known movie called “The Avengers” (although he usually looks more like this).

Scroll down for some of my favorite examples of Hawkeye getting his “female empowerment” on … comic book style.

ORIGINALS: By The Hawkeye Initiative. The first image on this list was created by artist Blue, who swapped Hawkeye and Black Widow. Blue then teamed up with webcomic creator Noelle Stevenson to challenge other artists to submit their own Hawkeye-ified illustrations. The drawing of Hawkeye as Emma Frost was drawn by curseofthefanartlords, the drawing of Hawkeye as Black Canary was drawn by foundbysara, Hawkeye as Mary Jane was drawn by exittt, and Hawkeye as Star Sapphire was drawn by thecolourfulway.

New Study Provides Confirmation for Stereotypes About Sex-Hungry Males and Naïve Females


New Study Provides “Confirmation for Stereotypes About Sex-Hungry Males and Naïve Females”

Posted by Nick Margerrison on October 24, 2012

Harry: … men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Irritating rom-com, When Harry Met Sally, may have been on the money as regards the age old question of platonic relationships between men and women. Scientific American reports that, according to new research, men see their women friends as potential conquests:

researchers brought 88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends into…a science lab.  Privacy was paramount—for example, imagine the fallout if two friends learned that one—and only one—had unspoken romantic feelings for the other throughout their relationship.  In order to ensure honest responses, the researchers not only followed standard protocols regarding anonymity and confidentiality, but also required both friends to agree—verbally, and in front of each other—to refrain from discussing the study, even after they had left the testing facility. These friendship pairs were then separated, and each member of each pair was asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings (or lack thereof) toward the friend with whom they were taking the study.

The results suggest large gender differences in how men and women experience opposite-sex friendships. Men were much more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men were also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends were attracted to them—a clearly misguided belief. In fact, men’s estimates of how attractive they were to their female friends had virtually nothing to do with how these women actually felt, and almost everything to do with how the men themselves felt—basically, males assumed that any romantic attraction they experienced was mutual, and were blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends. Women, too, were blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally were not attracted to their male friends, they assumed that this lack of attraction was mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimated the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimated the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status.  However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners.  Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.

Sex with a Fake Hymen

Just thinking about the implications of this in a developing country…

Sex With a Fake Hymen

The Artificial Hymen Kit is exactly what it sounds like: Sealed in silver packages and nestled in a bed of pink satin in a small wooden box, the kit contains two “prosthetic membranes.” They will “restore your virginity in five minutes with this new technologically advanced product. Kiss your deep dark secret goodbye and marry in confidence,” says the advertisement at HymenShop.com. For 30 dollars, Hymen Shop ships from Hong Kong to just about anywhere in the world. Simply click, buy, insert, and voilà: virginity restored.

In nations where virginity can be a literal issue of life and death, the Artificial Hymen Kit is controversial: Egyptian lawmakers attempted to restrict access after a blogger imported a kit from China. But its origin is less dire. Invented in the early nineties by a Japanese kinesiologist, distributors say the kits are popular in the fetish, porn, and sex industries. (The manufacturer credits “prostitutes in nightclubs on the gulf of Thailand” for popularizing it.) Among the first to market the product internationally, Hymen Shop now sells thousands of units each year, primarily to the United States.

When I broke my first, real hymen in my teens — during an over-the-jeans dry-humping session with Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King playing in the background — I wasn’t even aware it was happening. So test-driving the Artificial Hymen Kit was an opportunity to lose my virginity all over again.

After sacrificing one hymen to The Cut’s photo lab, I arrive at my boyfriend’s house with three “prosthetic membranes” in my purse. Despite a request that I wine and dine him in exchange for participation, I find he has cooked dinner and is drinking wine while playing video games with intense focus. He can do whatever he wants tonight because he’s lending his penis to science, journalism, and, worst of all, to the Internet, where his mother and seventh grade math teacher will have access to it.

The directions on my Artificial Hymen Kit (color: “Joan of Arc Red”) are printed in Chinese on the inside lid of the box. Translated into English for my benefit, they explain there is a fifteen-minute window after the fake hymen has been inserted to have sex. This vagina will self-destruct in fifteen minutes. After a brief bedroom warm-up session with my boyfriend, I excuse myself to the bathroom, kit and instructions in hand.

I open the first packet and take out what looks like a clear plastic Listerine strip folded into eighths. There is a gruesome amount of bright red liquid inside the folds. I “completely unfold the hymen,” as step No. 4 in the instructions indicates. Some dried-up flakes of red fall from the plastic. I don’t remember red dust at my original hymen-loss, but maybe every hymen-loss is a snowflake unto itself: a tiny and unique horror story floating in the wintertime of our innocence.

“Using an index finger, insert the artificial hymen into the vagina.” Before I can decipher whether the hymen should go in blood-side up or blood-side down— rolled up like a joint? crumpled into a ball?— the film dissolves in my hands. I am covered in bright red dye. I am down one hymen. There is red on every surface of the sink. CSI: New York will need the whole hour to solve this one.

I tear open the next packet, panicked that the clamminess of my hands will ruin my second fake hymen. Dissolve once, shame on me. Dissolve twice, and — oh God, what am I doing with my life?

With some prodding, I stuff it in my vagina like decorative tissue paper in a fancy gift bag, blood-side down. The film clings to my finger, now the color of a red-velvet cupcake. As I Lady Macbeth my hands in the sink, I start to laugh maniacally. Nothing is funny. Fearing laughter will shake my hymen loose, I sprint back to the bedroom in search of a horizontal position.

I discover my boyfriend has spread a red and white beach towel beside him on the bed. It says PUERTO RICO. He got it on vacation with his family, he tells me.

Missionary is the only option here. During the delicate deflowering process there is no need for the Funny Business. As soon as he’s in, I shriek-yodel question after question: Can you feel it? Is it gross? Does it hurt? Should we stop? Are we breaking up? Are you mad at me? What are you thinking about? What about now? Can you feel it? What about now? I sound like a squawking turkey.

My boyfriend answers all of the questions in the order they are received: He can’t feel it. Everything feels normal. He’s not mad. We’re not breaking up. Mostly he’s just thinking about sex. Still can’t feel it. No, not even now.

I can’t feel that slimy piece of plastic, either. I worry it has been pushed further inside me, but after seeing how quickly the first one melted, I know it must be gone.

Soon our banter has dissolved like the fake hymen in my vagina, and we are quiet. Me because I am imagining the Magic School Bus journey my liquefied hymen is making through my body, and him because he is just having regular sex with me, and we generally don’t “riff” when we’re doing that.

Then we are done. Our crotches look like the inside of a lava lamp.

Red Medical Food Dye (the official term, according to Hymen Shop Support staff) is smeared everywhere: his genitals, my genitals, the towel, our hands, and somehow on a T-shirt on the floor. He tells me there is a red thumbprint on my butt. We go to the bathroom to clean ourselves. While scrubbing, we discuss and process what just happened.

First, we conclude, the “hymen” part of this device is besides the point. What’s to break? It dissolved instantly. But does that matter? I don’t know anyone who’s actually felt a hymen break mid-intercourse, and suspect that those utilizing the artificial hymen in earnest don’t, either. (Except for the fetish stars, maybe. But I doubt they mind illusion.) My e-mail buddy at Hymen Shop explains, “The first and foremost purpose of the artificial hymen kit is to provide the visual effect human being blood coming out of the vagina as a proof of virginity. The ‘breaking’ sensation in the intercourse is a second priority, and it’s an elusive one since it is very subjective with the individual man and the construct of the female hymen.”

My boyfriend and I agree, however, that enjoyable sex is still possible, even when both parties are covered in fake blood the color of cherry Kool-Aid.

The next morning, other than the fact that I am still peeing bioluminescent cake dye, nothing unusual is going on. (Except, yikes, that is extremely unusual. I vow to drink a lot of water.) In a fit of curiosity, I load myself with the final remaining hymen and ride a bike. Kool-Aid for everywhere. I can only assume the same is true for horseback riding, pogo sticks, and every other hymen-breaking activity from the Judy Blume canon.

Later that afternoon, I get a text with the following: “My bathroom is covered in red dye. It’s all over the floor and the rug and shower. There must have been a huge blob of it somewhere that we smeared everywhere.”

I respond, “New phone, who is this?”

Talk Your Way Into (or Out of) Her Heart


Talk Your Way Into (or Out of) Her Heart

By: Laura Roberson

It’s 7:30 p.m. You’re tearing into a work file on your laptop, a beer on the table next to you and a ball game muted on the TV across the room. Enter your best girl; trailing closely behind her, inevitably, is The Question.

“How was your day?” she asks.

This is a test. Can you engage?

It’s not that men don’t, won’t, or can’t talk. In fact, a 2007 University of California at Santa Cruz meta-analysis concluded that men are more talkative than women. Although women take more turns during conversation, men make more statements overall. Men also speak longer and make more suggestions.

Which she really hates.

Here’s the problem: Women use language to bond, while men use it like a power tool. “Men are literal communicators,” says Audrey Nelson, Ph.D., a gender communication expert. “It serves them well in the business world but often causes them trouble with women.”

Learn how to minimize verbal damage, and you’ll achieve more-satisfying intercourse—both the social kind . . . and the other kind.

“How Many Women Have You Been With?”

Right answer: “I’ve had relationships with different women, but none worth holding on to.”
Wrong answer: “Fourteen. And a half. Not counting rounding errors.”

What she hears: “Unlike those other women, you’re worth holding on to, babe.” She hears that even if you don’t yet know how you really feel. No woman wants to be a conquest, says Nelson. She wants to know you value her as a partner in and out of the bedroom. “Emphasize the fact that your past behavior isn’t an indication of where you are now,” says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sex therapist and founder of mypleasure.com. “You don’t have to give her a spreadsheet.”

“Do I Look Fat in This?” (She Does)

Right answer: “It just doesn’t do you justice. Wear that black dress you look so sexy in.”
Wrong answer: “I wouldn’t say fat . . .”

You call it annoying, blatant, and desperate. Psychologists call it “fat talk”—a way women bond with other women, but also a tactic to show that she pays attention to her body, according to a 2010 study in Body Image. Take “fat” out of your vocabulary—if you drop that f-bomb, she won’t receive the message, says Nelson. “Accentuate the positive instead.” No need to point out her muffin top. Just pull out a more flattering outfit and compliment her on the way it plays to her best assets.

“Do You Think that Woman is Hot?” (She Is)

Right answer: “She’s attractive. What do you think?”
Wrong answer: “In a slutty kind of way.”

If your girlfriend springs this question, she knows the woman is sexy. The key is tempering your honesty, says Chris Fariello, Ph.D., of the Council for Relationships. That means using mild, nonsexual words, such as “attractive” or “pretty,” while avoiding erotic words that tip her off to your own lusty feelings. Then ask for her opinion; suddenly you’re paired Idol judges, not individual oglers. “You take the focus off the other woman by turning it into a conversation,” says Justin Lookadoo, author of Dateable: Are You? Are They?

You Suspect that She’s Cheating

Say: “I may be totally off base, but I’m concerned about your relationship with John. Will you be honest with me?”
Don’t say: “You’re screwing John, aren’t you?”

In a College Student Journal study, 63 percent of men agreed that they’d cheat if they knew their partner wouldn’t find out. Only 52 percent of women said the same. You’re wired to be suspicious; male jealously evolved to prevent the unknowing nurturing of another man’s child. “Men tend to sling insults when they suspect infidelity,” says Todd Shackelford, Ph.D., an evolutionary psychologist at Florida Atlantic University. “It may be an attempt to decrease her sense of value as a mate so she won’t look elsewhere.” But if you act like a litigation attorney, she’ll react defensively and be more likely to hide the truth. Ultimately you need the truth, so proceed in a way that’s most likely to lower her defenses so you can coax it out of her. “Present your suspicion not as a fact but as a feeling or concern,” says Sheenah Hankin, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and the author of Complete Confidence. “You’ve opened the door for the truth.”

“Where is This Relationship Going?”

Right answer: “I need to be honest. I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now.”
Wrong answer: “I think there’s some potential here.”

The bottom line is, she wants to hear you’re committed. And if you’re not, she’s handing you an invitation to sugarcoat. “You don’t want to hurt her feelings, and you probably want her to stick around for sex,” says Fariello. “But if you give her fluff, she’s going to cling to it.” Translation: If you split in 3 weeks, she’ll sling “potential” at you like a poison dart. An honest answer lets her make an informed decision—and allows you to gauge her emotional maturity, says Fariello. If she snarls like a she-wolf, you’ll know your commitment fears are dead-on.

“What Do You Think About Marriage?

Right answer: “These are my reservations, but that doesn’t mean I can’t resolve them.”
Wrong answer: “Well, it’s okay for married people.”

Relax. Chances are your girlfriend isn’t springing a trap—she’s just gauging your commitment level. “She needs you to approve of her but also to want to affiliate with her,” says Nelson. Your strategy: Be straightforward but future-oriented, and use “affiliation cues,” like nodding your head, smiling, and leaning toward her. These nonverbal signals may trigger the same chemical response in her brain as long-term commitment does, a recent University of California study found. No, it’s not as good as bending a knee and proffering a rock, but such signals make her feel more engaged, even if she’s not actually being engaged.Then consider inviting her to take a road trip together or to meet your parents—this provides concrete proof you’re invested, without the ring.

You Think Your Sex Life Is Getting Old

Say: “Would you be willing to try this position? If you don’t like it, we can do what we know works.”
Don’t say: “You be the wheelbarrow, and I’ll be the farmer delivering the load.”

“Don’t just spring a new position on her. Women need time to process,” says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., author of Why Can’t You Read My Mind? “She wants to feel included.” That means planting the idea before you two hit the sheets. During the day, send her a sexy text message, or an e-mail saying you can’t wait to see her. This warms her up, pressure-free. Then in the bedroom, emphasize the sexiness, not the success, of your new maneuver. “Be willing to fall flat and laugh,” says Gardos. “Say, ‘That didn’t work,’ and then move on.” And if you do pull it off, admire her adventurousness—chances are, she’ll request a repeat performance.

“I Love You” (But You’re Not Entirely Ready)

Right answer: “I’m not ready to say that yet. But I’m getting there.”
Wrong answer: “Thanks.”

First off, don’t freak out. A recent Baruch College study found that modern technology—text messaging, e-mail, instant messaging—is one reason the phrase is used more freely. That said, you shouldn’t disregard her admission. Tell her your feelings are growing, and go ahead, change your relationship status on Facebook. It may sound asinine—okay, it does sound asinine—but in a recent Michigan State University study, 20 percent of participants said they didn’t consider a relationship “official” until it appeared on Facebook.

You Think The Relationship is Over

Say: “I won’t be able to give what you deserve.”
Don’t say: “You knew I wasn’t ready to commit.”

Nobody enjoys rejection. Take the blame for the relationship deficit, says Les Parrott, Ph.D., founder of realrelationships.com and author of L.O.V.E.: Putting Your Love Styles to Work for You. This softens the blow without giving her false hope for reconciliation. “Explain the breakup in terms of your own values, rather than pointing out what she did wrong,” he says.